She’s really tiny, isn’t she? – everyone
When JD was three months old, we discovered that he hadn’t gained more than a few grams in a month. He’d fallen through the growth curves in his red book and wasn’t even on the 0.4% line. I desperately wanted him to have the health benefits of breast milk so we mix fed and he thrived, but it was difficult and painful to keep my supply going and beat nipple confusion.
Fast forward almost exactly four years and here we are again. Little Miss J is 13 weeks old and has gained just 200g in the last month. She started on the 25% line and now she’s below the 0.4% line.
I’m so upset. I thought she was feeding well. I’ve even put on weight in an effort to ensure there are plenty of calories available to my body to make good, fattening milk. We co-sleep so that she can feed on demand and I’ve read every latching guide in existence. I thought we’d cracked it but somehow it’s gone wrong again.
They call it ‘failure to thrive’ but the failure feels all mine. I want to scream, “What’s wrong with me?!” Bottles, battles, clinics, colic, worries and weigh-ins await. I feel defeated.
Any advice – really, anything you think might help – would be very welcome.
Update 01/02/2012: Little Miss J has gained 7oz! Ok, not a huge amount but compared to previous weeks it’s a big deal. We managed to get a little top up formula (45ml) into her over this past week using a ‘supplemental feeding system’ which involves running a tiny tube into her mouth while she’s nursing. She only took about 45ml in total so I think the gain is mainly down to breastmilk. The battle isn’t over, but we’re feeling more hopeful. Big thanks to everyone for your support – you’re all amazing.
Really just need to focus on happiness rather than weight gain. You are doing a great job.
Thank you :) you’re so right – yesterday she was holding and shaking a toy, which is great. Pleased that resting, cuddling and not stressing so much seems to have helped her weight a tiny bit. Thanks for commenting x
The update is fantastic news!! Just shows your hard work & determination is paying off! Well done lady, #fabmummy xx
Thank you lovely xx
That’s a good gain! Well done and at least you know things are going in the right direction xx
Thank you xx
I’ve just found this post from you commenting on mine! Oh wow, I really feel for you. How are things going now? I love Claire LaRue’s comment to you, she’s so right. I didn’t breastfeed Thomas for many reasons and it is really upsetting. This time is going much better but he still feeds a LOT and I realised early on that I just needed to let him be at boob for hours and hours. One thing no-one mentioned is her poo colour! Green poo is a sign of only getting the foremilk, the hindmilk should get her weight increasing again – if this is a possibility then I’m not sure Fenugreek will help as it increases supply, which wouldn’t be the issue…
But all of this was two weeks ago so I’m hoping it’s all working out now, whichever route you have decided on. And if you decided to supplement, I hope you found a bottle she’ll take! x
Thank you! She’s gain a few ounces and we’re keeping our fingers crossed. More rest and less stress seems to be the key!
If you get chance (not very likely with a young baby I realise!) come and link up to my Tuesday tea and sympathy linky http://1978rebecca.blogspot.com/2012/01/morning-all.html
Those pictures are gorgeous. What a cutie.
Don’t have any advice – just sympathy. Sounds like you’re doing everything you can. Wish they wouldn’t call it failure to thrive, it’s not a very helpful name. You’re not a failure at all. Hope next weigh in is more positive.
Visiting via the showcase.
That must be really frustrating, and particularly hard given you know what the bumpy road ahead is like. I can only reiterate your earlier comments and add my voice to the throng reminding you that you are not a failure.
How are the fenugreek and the groups going? Are they starting to help?
Thank you :) haven’t taken fenugreek – got nervous of it for some reason but groups and more rest (!) are definitely helping. Thanks for asking.
Does she have good length feeds or is she a sleepy baby? If so, she might not be feeding long enough to get the fatter milk produced after the initial let down.
Did you get to the support group? I find mine invaluable and have lots of friends with similar problems to you and they got through this stage with support.
Hope you receive appropriate support and find a solution you are happy with xxx
Thank you – yes, joined a group and just feed, feed, feeding!
Oh honey, I have no useful advice am afraid. I only breastfed for a few weeks. Am sure she will be fine though. Big hugs x
Thanks lovely xx
Oh honey, I have no useful advice am afraid. I only breastfed for a few weeks. Am sure she will be fine though. Big hugs x
Feeding nightmares, remember them well…Remind yourself “you’ve done it once, you can do it again!” I had a reflux baby who was 6 weeks prem and projectile vomited at every feed (not the head spinning kind but close)…I move to formula and things improved… Have trust in yourself as a mum and it will work out…Your not alone and asking for help is the first brave move xo
Thanks xx Prem must be terrifying – Joel was born at 37 weeks (so just full term) and I can tell the difference, looking back, between him and Jessica who was born at 2 days off 40 weeks and almost a lb heavier. She’s stronger than he was, I’m sure, and fought through her jaundice better. Must focus on the positives! x
Well such a mountain of support in the comments for you – times like this blogging makes me want to have a little happy cry :D
I haven’t any nuggets of advice, I suffered from over-supply which led to me stopping breast feeding after just a few weeks. Queen Scamp is 3 now and though on the 20th percentile when born she has dropped right down to the 10th now. She eats quite well- though a typical fussy pre-schooler. Her brother who is 13 months younger now weighs 4 lbs more than her – and he’s on the 50th percentile :s
Thing is she is thriving and happy and full of beans, it’s frustrating for me and I know she is fine becasue I can see her bouncing around every day- it must be hard with a baby who is losing weight.
I am sure there are fantastic folk out there who can offer practical supportbut in the mean time I shall try and wedge a chocolate digestive digestive through Twitter xx
Well such a mountain of support in the comments for you – times like this blogging makes me want to have a little happy cry :D
I haven’t any nuggets of advice, I suffered from over-supply which led to me stopping breast feeding after just a few weeks. Queen Scamp is 3 now and though on the 20th percentile when born she has dropped right down to the 10th now. She eats quite well- though a typical fussy pre-schooler. Her brother who is 13 months younger now weighs 4 lbs more than her – and he’s on the 50th percentile :s
Thing is she is thriving and happy and full of beans, it’s frustrating for me and I know she is fine becasue I can see her bouncing around every day- it must be hard with a baby who is losing weight.
I am sure there are fantastic folk out there who can offer practical supportbut in the mean time I shall try and wedge a chocolate digestive digestive through Twitter xx
Well such a mountain of support in the comments for you – times like this blogging makes me want to have a little happy cry :D
I haven’t any nuggets of advice, I suffered from over-supply which led to me stopping breast feeding after just a few weeks. Queen Scamp is 3 now and though on the 20th percentile when born she has dropped right down to the 10th now. She eats quite well- though a typical fussy pre-schooler. Her brother who is 13 months younger now weighs 4 lbs more than her – and he’s on the 50th percentile :s
Thing is she is thriving and happy and full of beans, it’s frustrating for me and I know she is fine becasue I can see her bouncing around every day- it must be hard with a baby who is losing weight.
I am sure there are fantastic folk out there who can offer practical supportbut in the mean time I shall try and wedge a chocolate digestive digestive through Twitter xx
Thank you, lovely. I think I had oversupply in the first few weeks – milk came in really early and let down was really, really fast and she just couldn’t cope with it. I tried to express but I think my body just got the message that she doesn’t need much. D’oh!!
And I totally agree – how amazing is all this lovely support and advice?! This is what it’s all about :)
Hi Emily, sorry about the bad day. Unfortunately I did not manage to breastfeed so can’t offer any real advice but I do have an ex-prem who regularly falls up and down her growth chart worrying the living daylights out of me, it is not a nice feeling feeling a mummy-failure. While I was on the Special care unit when my scamp was a newly born prem, all the women I talked to did breastfeed and were recommended the following to “fatten up” their littlies:
1. to express and bottlefeed the hindmilk only as it has more calories for some feeds
2. to add a fortifier to some feeds if you can establish mix-feeding using a bottle as well. You can add to EBM if you don’t want to establish 100% formula. I think the MAM teats were recommended for little babies as it mimicked genuine nipples
Hope that wasn’t too waffley!
Thank you :) Haven’t tried MAM – will go on a hunt tomorrow!
Hey it’s ok! You sound like you are doing everything perfectly! Does she seem happy and healthy to you? Because that’s all that really matters! Remember, there is no such thing as ‘normal’, there is only ‘common’ and that’s all the growth charts are. They are just a guide based on the averages of other children. And the doctors also base their opinions on other children. Try not to compare your baby to others, she is beautiful just the way she is! To me your baby looks absolutely divine! She looks like one very content little bubby :)
I know how you feel, everyone used to say “oh look how tiny she is” about my baby. In fact, they still do! And she’s 13 months now. But that’s just her, she’s just small. She only gained 100grams in her first month. And it hasn’t been uncommon for her to not change weight at all for a month, and then 1 week she will gain 200grams! She just does little growth spurts.
Trust your instincts. If you want to continue breastfeeding, then continue breastfeeding. Like you said, by supplementing with a bottle your milk supply decreases anyway so she won’t be getting the good fats from your milk that she might need to grow, gain weight and develop her brain.
Considering the position I was in (similar to yours) I seeked out support and found that there were actually lots of women in the same position, but continued to exclusively breastfeed – I look at their children now and wonder what they were ever concerned about! And now I think the same about my own baby.
Keep doing what you’re doing – it sounds like you’re doing a good job. And in the nicest way possible… remember that stressing about it might also decrease your milk supply! Lots of love and support xxxx
Thank you and you’re so right that stress is all I need right now. We’re making some other changes in our lives (some big some small) to make things less stressful too. Should be good for all of us. And I’m pleased to hear what you say about little growth spurts – maybe that’s just the way our babies are! Thanks again for taking the time to comment x
Sounds like you’re on to it! (And sorry for the double comment :) Was having trouble posting it) x
:) I think Disqus is playing up tonight!
Hey it’s ok! You sound like you are doing everything perfectly! Does she seem happy and healthy to you? Because that’s all that really matters! Remember, there is no such thing as ‘normal’, there is only ‘common’ and that’s all the growth charts are. They are just a guide based on the averages of other children. And the doctors also base their opinions on other children. Try not to compare your baby to others, she is beautiful just the way she is! To me your baby looks absolutely divine! She looks like one very content little bubby :)
I know how you feel, everyone used to say “oh look how tiny she is” about my baby. In fact, they still do! And she’s 13 months now. But that’s just her, she’s just small. She only gained 100grams in her first month. And it hasn’t been uncommon for her to not change weight at all for a month, and then 1 week she will gain 200grams! She just does little growth spurts.
Trust your instincts. If you want to continue breastfeeding, then continue breastfeeding. Like you said, by supplementing with a bottle your milk supply decreases anyway so she won’t be getting the good fats from your milk that she might need to grow, gain weight and develop her brain.
Considering the position I was in (similar to yours) I seeked out support and found that there were actually lots of women in the same position, but continued to exclusively breastfeed – I look at their children now and wonder what they were ever concerned about! And now I think the same about my own baby.
Keep doing what you’re doing – it sounds like you’re doing a good job. And in the nicest way possible… remember that stressing about it might also decrease your milk supply! Lots of love and support xxxx
Thank you! So kind of you to take time to write this. I am going to look at all these options. Everyone’s comments have really given me renewed strength to do whatever it takes to get her back on track. Thanks again xx
good luck Em, she will and it will all be ok. you are doing everything you can and all this advise will no doubt help as well. all i can add is that expressing worked for me and then i really had to give in after 8 weeks and put her fully on the bottle. she was a hungry little thing, and my milk just didn’t give her enough. i don’t think it fully ‘came in’………..take a breath, count to 10 and work on your instincts…….big hugs xxxx
Thanks you xx
Sounds like you’ve had lots of advice already, but I’d echo that you seem to be trying everything right. My now 4 y/o fell of the charts at 5 months & we were referred to consultants & all sorts but she never took anything other than my breast milk. We co-slept and bf till she was 3 and now she seems fine -still slender, but not unhealthily so. If you get desperate, the LLL national helpline is 0845 120 2918, and they were really supportive to me, as was my local BF group, once I knew where to find them! Don’t blame yourself – you’re doing the best you can for her. Good luck.
Thank you!! I did have a breastfeeding consultant come round weekly for a little while after a referral from the HV and she also thought that I was doing everything right. Just upsetting that I’ve stuck to it and she’s stopped gaining anyway. Tomorrow I’ll see the breastfeeding group and HV and, as others have advised, push to get the help we need. She’s so teeny, people think she’s preemy and it’s so hard not to get upset in the middle of Tesco with comments like that, lol! Thanks again for your advice xx
Expressing, I felt like a cow on a suction pump but expressing was the only way forward when ours didn’t gain enough weight at the right time. We had Dr Brown’s bottles and expressed milk, it was stored everywhere… fridge, freezer…
Don’t panic, it’s not your fault and BF is not blinking easy to do. Do what you can, where you can.
Thanks Sarah – yeah expressing is sort of grotesquely hilarious. I have a really good swing pump from Medela but I haven’t been using it recently as I thought things had improved. Yeesh! Guess it’s back to the dairy ;) And thanks for the kind words – it really helps to know I’m not the only one who doesn’t simply sail through parenthood xx
Huni you are so not a failure & dont you forget it. Mother hood is hard! When K struggled at first he was put on nutriprem milk cos this helped to “bulk him up” might be worth asking about if you can get her to take a bottle. We also went to see a nutritionist who agreed with the mixed feeding and the swapping over to a bottle for all feeds. Go and see your HV they should be able to provide the support for you. Oh and have a hug *squeeeeeeze* your doing fantastic and the fact that you are concerned just shows your a good mum :) xx
Thank you so much for commenting. I’m feeling more positive now, it’s just hard not to feel panicked when you look at a totally flat, month-long line on the growth chart. Poor little scrap! But she is trying talk (you know that lovely cooing thing?) and holding eye contact and can almost sit unaided so she IS strong, she’s just tiny. I know my early experiences with Joel have left me jittery. Gotta stay positive – it WILL be ok! Off to HV and a BF group in the morning. Will definitely ask about nutriprem. Seeing how gorgeous and strong your little one is after all he went through, I know everything will be ok x
That cooing thing is the best! I know she will be fine & in a years time you will be sitting back wondering what all the worrying was about. x P.S He is gorgeous isn’t he :) xx
Yup! xx
Get help get help get help!!! Le Leche are fantastic as are the NCT counsellers. And the national breast feeding helpline. Feed feed feed that baby. That at the moment is the single most important thing. Forget scheduling, pop that booby in every chance you get. Let her nurse as long as she wants (sling nurse if you can if you need to “do” things while feeding?). Let her get all that creamy gold top scrummy hind milk. Topping up is a real double edged sword. It helps baby to gain weight (and satisfy weight centile obsessed hv’s!) but it will wreak havoc with your perfect “supply & demand” bionic booby juice as you’re finding. Be naked with your baby to help her find her rooting instincts and clear your diary so you can dedicate the time to feedfeedfeed. Ask your Le Leche “sister” to visit you and stick to your guns if you want to b/f. You’re doing a cracking job. Well done! But….. Get help! You are not a failure. You are a feeding machine!!! Good luck :)
Thank you, Claire xx This is just what I needed to hear. I’m not going to give up – heading to a breastfeeding group in the morning, followed by a visit to the HV, picking up fenureek too and we’ll go from there. I have nothing against bottlefeeding since it really helped Joel, but I really want to breastfeeding to continue. I think your core message is so true though, she just needs me there all the time. At this age she needs to be allowed to feed all day if that’s what she wants. We’ll get there! (see, feeling much more positive now!)
I would just echo what the others say. I do know how you feel. My daughter started on the 25% line and fell to below the 1% line. I breastfed her for 13 months, because she simply wouldn’t take anything else. Wouldn’t take a bottle and when the time came to try her with solids, she wouldn’t have any of it. I was really worried about her and spoke to a nutritionist who said to keep going with the breast feeding, get her weighed every 3-4 weeks and consult my GP if she fell any lower on the chart. Luckily at 13 months she decided to eat regular food, and she has made up for lost time ever since! She eats just as much as her 4 year old brother now (maybe more!). She is still very small, and at 17 months is in 9-12 month clothes. It’s really tough when they won’t take a bottle, when I tried her with it she reacted as if I’d handed her a bomb. Fingers crossed for you and hope the BF group can give you some more suggestions. She is absolutely beautiful, by the way! xx
Thank you! Joel never really got beyond skinny until he started eating. Kids are such a worry. Thanks again for your advice and support xx
Fenugreek definitely works. I struggled massively with breastfeeding as my little boy just wouldn’t latch on, or stay latched on. Found out about fenugreek and it really helped with my milk flow and made it all easier. Good luck with it all. She’s a beautiful baby btw – gorgeous pics.
Thank you very much. Ok, that’s the plan for tomorrow then: town for fenugreek, then BF group, then HV, then home for lots of cuddles. It always mystified me why anyone would choose not to breastfeed…until I had my own!
It sounds like you are doing everything right, I think people think that breast feeding is easy and they say breast is best but sometimes as a mum it is very hard. I struggled to breastfeed with my son and truly wish I had sought more support to help me as it was such a tough 7 months and I felt like a constant failure. I would seek some professional advice and assistance, maybe try the La Leche league or your local breast feeding service if you have one? Help is out there and they will have dealt with this same problem before, I’m sure they can offer some great advice.
Finally, big hugs, it’s not easy and I know how easy it is to beat yourself up about it x
Thank you xx We’re going to a BF group in the morning and then HV clinic tomorrow – we have tried top up feeding but at the moment she won’t take a bottle at all.
On the bottle front try the Nuby soft flex, it’s a soft bottle so that you can squeeze it to mimic the boobie flow, they are meant to be great for top up feeds x
Thank you!
Hi. The exact thing happened to me with my son – now a chunky 13 month old. I feel your pain as he didn’t go over birth weight for FIVE weeks and was firmly on the 0.4 per centile. I took a Fenugreek supplement pill 3 x 3 times a day (ignore packet) and I expressed as much as possible to get milk going. I also had a breast feeding counsellor come round to give me advice and went to a ‘Breast feeding cafe’ an NHS funded thing for people just like you! I also started mixed feeding at 4 1/2 months which was the turning point and in hindesight I may have started earlier! Good Luck. It’s utterly utterly awful. I’ve never cried so much!
Thank you! I keep hearing about fenugreek – will give it a go. And have found a BF group in town – going in the morning x