maternity leave | A Mummy Too

Hey SJP, being a working parent sucks sometimes, huh?

16 April, 2012 By Emily Leary 16 Comments

I know! Let’s put work in the bin – JD, 4

Friday evening. In the morning I’d be in London at a conference.

I put the kids to bed, tidied the house with Mark, caught up on emails, booked a taxi for 5am, packed my bag, found my Oyster card, lost my Oyster card, found my Oyster card, did Little Miss J’s midnight feed and flopped into bed, reluctantly setting my alarm for 4am.

I slept badly, as I always do when I have that got-to-be-up-soon feeling, crawled out of bed at 4am, chomped down some cornflakes, showered, sterilised the express pump, freshly boiled the kettle, answered some emails, dressed, brushed, made up, hugged Mark, kissed a sleeping JD goodbye, and stood at the foot of Little Miss J’s cot, wondering if she’d wake up in time for a last feed.

With minutes to spare until the taxi arrived, she woke up. No time to breastfeed, Mark made up a bottle. As I stood by door I could see her refusing the formula, turning her head, looking for me. What if she refused her feeds all day?

As I went downstairs and saw the taxi pull up, I could feel my boobs tingling – like a maternal spider-sense.

I went outside, paid the taxi, came back inside and got undressed. I texted the event organiser, lifted Little Miss J into bed with us and cuddled her in, feeding her until JD woke up.

If I’d gone to London, I’d have been away from the kids for 15 hours. I’d have had to “pump & dump” and Little Miss J would have had her first full day on formula only. I just couldn’t do it, despite that fact that in reality, both kids would have been absolutely fine – Mark’s a fantastic dad.

All morning as I watched the conference hashtag fly around, I thought about how lucky I am. At this moment, I’m on self-imposed maternity leave. Save for the odd project, I’m not working. I don’t *have* to work – we are very lucky that we can afford for me to take a break for a little while longer.

I watched I Don’t Know How She Does It starring Sarah Jessica Parker recently and found it entertaining but dire. It glamourises work and undersells parenting in cliches of equal measure. It panders to the glossy contradiction that women are simultaneously shallow and better than men. It fails to communicate parenting beyond milestone moments. And it underestimates just how painful leaving to go to work can be.

In the film, SJP leaves her kids in daylight, standing at the door, saying goodbye. In reality, a busy jet-set job often means leaving before they even wake up. It means you have to kiss them goodbye knowing that they’re unaware. Climb into a taxi in the dark, hair brushed and styled, make up on, when your heart says you should be the other side of the cliche, curled up with your kids, make-up-less, covered in baby sick and spilled cornflakes.

I love working, I will continue to work – I don’t just want to, I need to. I don’t just need to, I want to.

I’m not saying that being a stay-at-home parent is all morning cuddles and walks in the park, it really isn’t, but being a working parent is frankly awful sometimes and after Saturday, where I had the luxury of being able to choose to stay home, I’m savouring this time more than ever before.

Filed Under: Work & lifestyle Tagged With: baby, conference, feeding, maternity leave, stay at home mum, work, working mum, working parent

Working in late pregnancy – making it work

8 October, 2011 By Emily Leary 16 Comments

Mummy, why are you going upstairs to rest? We won’t see you for days! – JD, 3

Rejoice, rejoice! I’m now officially on maternity leave! I’m glad I made it – it wasn’t easy. I didn’t realise that working up to 38 weeks is considered madness by many. It probably is.

Anyway, I’m no expert, but I thought I’d share some of the things I’ve learned from the experience.

Here are my survival tips for working late into pregnancy:

Expect to slow down. For anything past 35 weeks, make sure your boss and colleagues understand that you are going to be tired and uncomfortable at least some of the time. There will be days where you’re not on top form, and there’s no point trying to hide it.
Don’t try to work late. Pre-pregnancy, and possibly during the energetic second trimester, you may well have worked late, or put in a few extra hours over the weekend. Seriously, you need to cut that out in late pregnancy. If you don’t rest, you’ll be useless during the normal working day.
No heavy lifting. Well obviously it’s not a good plan to lift 50kg weights, but it’s also not a good idea to carry any more than you have to in your handbag. By 34 week or so, there’ll already be so much weight on your front, leaving as much as you can out of the commute will make a big difference.
Keep cool. I still can’t quite believe how hot I got just sitting at my desk in the last few weeks. Have a desk fan on hand and layer up cool, breathable clothes. Even in winter, you really don’t want to be stuck in the office in a woollen dress or polo neck jumper.
Eat lots of small meals. Big meals are the enemy of productivity during late pregnancy. As hungry as you may feel, if you stuff yourself at lunch, you’ll be sleepy and bloated all afternoon. If you’re like me, you may not even be able to comfortably reach the desk. Snack, don’t binge (although cakes are A-OK, in my book).
Drink lots of water. If you’re immersed in your work, you might forget this simple essential. If I made that mistake, I felt absolutely rotten when I came to stand up, so try to keep a jug of cool water on your desk at all times.
Sleep when you can. If there’s a spare office you can grab 20 minutes kip in at lunchtime, do it. If not, it might be worth nipping home if the journey isn’t too far. A quick rest when you get home is wise too, if you can. The power of power naps cannot be underestimated in late pregnancy.
Know your limits. If you find you can’t work, then you can’t work! Again, talk to your boss – they will be much happier if you say at 35 weeks, “I need a rest” than if you sit suffering at your desk for several weeks looking like a dying whale.

Are you working late into the third trimester? Any tips to add?

Filed Under: Parenting, Work & lifestyle Tagged With: maternity, maternity leave, pregnancy, working in the third trimester

What am I going to DO on maternity leave?!

29 September, 2011 By Emily Leary 5 Comments

Is it terrible to admit I think I’m going to be bored?

Maternity leave may provide a much needed rest before the sleep-deprived chaos that comes with the arrival of a new baby, but what if you’re used to always being on the go? How can you avoid going stir crazy?

Next week is my last week at work before I go on maternity leave. I’ll be 38 weeks along, so I might not have long to wait, but even that short break leaves me wondering how I’m going to keep myself entertained. Is it terrible to admit I think I’m going to be bored?

Being the slightly obsessive person that I am – and with my nesting instinct kicking in – I’ve made a ‘boredom avoidance’ list, and here’s what’s on it:

Read a bit of inspiring fluff – I’ve bought a copy of I Don’t Know How She Does It by Allison Pearson and I’m planning to use one of JD’s full days at nursery to read that in one sitting – my favourite way to read fiction.
Get a handle on the sleep challenge – I ended up co-sleeping with JD and he ruled the first three months of our lives together. This time I’d like a better a handle on things, so I’ve invested in The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.
Do some last minute baby prep – We’ve got all the kit we need (cot, nappies etc) but the house could be organised better, so I’ll be folding blankets, setting up a changing drawer and generally making things nice while I still have time.
Attempt some pampering – A few of my close friends and family have been very sweet and bought me some ‘mum to be’ pampering kits, so I will attempt some chilling time (although I’m not very good at relaxing!)
Cook, cook, cook – I know from last time that there will be zero time to cook healthy meals from scratch, so I’m working my way through my recipe collection and getting as many meals into the freezer as I can.
Mess about online – Ok, ok, I won’t be online too much when I’m supposed to be resting, but I am looking forward to keeping this blog updated, reading lots of other blogs and chatting with all my lovely online friends.