I think she needs a feed, mummy – JD, 4

As you probably know, I do a lot of reviews on this blog, which also means I get sent a lot of pitches, and not all of them are appropriate.

Take the email that said, “what better way to celebrate Mother’s Day than by being so drunk you can’t remember it?!” – it was for cocktails, I kind of take the whole mothering a newborn thing rather seriously so, y’know, not for me. I laughed and hit delete.

But some pitches make me really sad. In particular, pitches for products that promise to help hide breastfeeding. I don’t mean those products that help you cover up your deflated belly so that you feel more confident – all power to them – I mean those products that try to get you and your baby to cover up entirely.

Today I was sent images of a giant apron, so huge it basically covers you from neck to knee and you put your baby underneath it.

Babies need eye contact. Why should I put a barrier between us? Babies overheat. Why should I tuck them under cloth and dangerously cover their faces? Babies are human beings. Why should the sight of them eating be considered a source of shame?

Let’s get one thing absolutely straight: breastfeeding is eating. It’s not going to the toilet. It’s not sex. If you don’t like it, you’re a numpty.

I close my mouth when I chew, I put my hand to my mouth when I cough, I lift the material of my top discreetly when I breastfeed, but if you can see a bit of boob, or hear a slurp, that’s part of life. Get over it. And why are you staring anyway?!

Unless the day comes when we all start eating in individual cubicles in restaurants to hide the shame of mastication, you’ll never see me breastfeeding under a cape.